About MrSassypants : I am a football playing king in space.... with a mustache.
Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 22 years old. I am 16. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60196) - you deserved it (5635)
On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44613) - you deserved it (5213)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44613) - you deserved it (5213)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32891) - you deserved it (8927)
On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32891) - you deserved it (8927)
On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11987) - you deserved it (44716)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25197) - you deserved it (1198)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:00pm - animals - by idontevenlikehamsters - United States (Virginia)
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20666) - you deserved it (11067)
On 04/06/2013 at 12:59am - health - by Kotoko (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29160) - you deserved it (4369)
On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32691) - you deserved it (4922)
On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39331) - you deserved it (11928)
On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29510) - you deserved it (2271)
On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (1637)
On 03/29/2013 at 4:33am - misc - by TheRuleEnforcer (man) - United States
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53921) - you deserved it (6546)
On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29352) - you deserved it (2991)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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