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MrEpicSqueaky101

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MrEpicSqueaky101

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  • Number of visits : 265
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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MrEpicSqueaky101's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of MrEpicSqueaky101's badges

MrEpicSqueaky101's favorite FMLs

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

#21499606
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23432) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/03/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by snortingspunk (woman) - South Africa

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

#21493038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25881) - you deserved it (4813)

On 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by nnniii - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

#21470966
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29277) - you deserved it (2981)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31796) - you deserved it (2493)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32179) - you deserved it (3009)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

#21331081
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40790) - you deserved it (3023)

On 01/05/2015 at 1:27am - misc - by shittysituation - United States (California)

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

#21330614
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38849) - you deserved it (3497)

On 01/04/2015 at 11:58am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34564) - you deserved it (3615)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37333) - you deserved it (4193)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37861) - you deserved it (4208)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58762) - you deserved it (8625)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46527) - you deserved it (3452)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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