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Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23743) - you totally deserved it (1375)
On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38854) - you totally deserved it (2877)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:16am - love - by arsewipe92 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38433) - you totally deserved it (2907)
On 08/29/2009 at 2:40pm - misc - by Nofun (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36528) - you totally deserved it (3803)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48079) - you totally deserved it (8969)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML
I agree, your life sucks (3765) - you totally deserved it (38039)
On 07/24/2009 at 1:23am - love - by SexyPlayer9 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8558) - you totally deserved it (39144)
On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you totally deserved it (55190)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77589) - you totally deserved it (3598)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40249) - you totally deserved it (7984)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by scarletdurose88 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16779) - you totally deserved it (250136)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77300) - you totally deserved it (4092)
On 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by cavgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42065) - you totally deserved it (82035)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34272) - you totally deserved it (13542)
On 03/28/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (120420) - you totally deserved it (4113)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
