About Miss_Kristen : Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.
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Miss_Kristen's favorite FMLs
Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML
by notgay / 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML
by Mogg / 12/18/2009 at 3:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by errrmkl46 / 12/02/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
by just_a_bit_akwRd / 08/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2009 at 6:46am / United States (California) / Work
Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML
by KarlwithaK / 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML
by elevator-troubles / 03/18/2009 at 3:59am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML
by jessica / 02/17/2009 at 6:56pm / United States (New York) / Work
by poisonhand / 01/14/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Elizabeth / 01/09/2009 at 6:40am / United States (Texas) / Animals
- Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed… Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch… Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me…