About MissMustard : A fun-loving country girl from the Cotswolds, now studying in London!
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MissMustard's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML
by claytwin / 03/04/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health
Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML
by onlyslightly / 11/30/2012 at 3:33am / United States / Work
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
by gotta love my momma / 08/28/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 12:22am / Love
by blocked / 05/29/2012 at 6:24pm / United States / Transportation
Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML
by AnonymousUser / 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by mitchell904 / 04/18/2012 at 7:51pm / United Kingdom (Newport) / Work
Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 03/07/2012 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML
by Urinal Fresh / 03/02/2012 at 5:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by emma209 / 01/24/2012 at 1:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by gtfoocd / 12/27/2011 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML
by Username / 08/04/2011 at 2:47pm / United States / Work
by BigToe / 04/26/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
by bham boy / 04/20/2011 at 4:10am / Work