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MinatoArisato's favorite FMLs
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML
Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML
by februarymarchapril / 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML
by anon / 02/03/2015 at 2:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML
by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy
by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat / 01/01/2015 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love
by duncan74 / 12/09/2014 at 10:23pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
by pubemilkshake / 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML
by terdberglerforlyfe / 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Kids