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Mega_bug's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
by dafuqdidihear / 08/11/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML
by lils / 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm / United States / Intimacy
by alyssabree42 / 08/04/2012 at 2:56am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by 420SUX / 08/04/2012 at 2:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/04/2012 at 2:00am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by rejected4555 / 08/03/2012 at 8:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML
by SingleAgain / 08/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by PixiXOXO / 07/26/2012 at 2:07pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m an intern and was given a pile of files. Do I have to process them? Nay! Simply remove… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…