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Mega_bug's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
by wtf. / 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Oblivious / 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm / Kuwait / Love
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
by Aether / 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
by fingerfuckd / 04/29/2009 at 11:47am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
by seriouslywtf / 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
by mylifesucks / 04/18/2009 at 3:20am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Love
Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML
by I_Hate_Cars / 04/15/2009 at 10:10am / United States (South Carolina) / Transportation
by blaise / 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by suckstobeme / 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Crazy09 / 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML
by juliet / 04/06/2009 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…