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Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91132) - you deserved it (6006)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
I agree, your life sucks (94847) - you deserved it (4895)
On 04/18/2009 at 3:20am - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (98090) - you deserved it (3915)
On 04/15/2009 at 10:10am - misc - by I_Hate_Cars - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (121662) - you deserved it (8223)
On 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm - love - by blaise (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (123361) - you deserved it (18310)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML
I agree, your life sucks (119847) - you deserved it (6190)
On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100878) - you deserved it (3611)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, for Easter my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (104961) - you deserved it (4322)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93894) - you deserved it (4010)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100279) - you deserved it (3686)
On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - health - by juliet (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71488) - you deserved it (9939)
On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (108752) - you deserved it (10311)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (103045) - you deserved it (6498)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
I agree, your life sucks (95187) - you deserved it (11339)
On 03/23/2009 at 4:38pm - love - by Rajin (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (105610) - you deserved it (14906)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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