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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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MarissaStevens's favorite FMLs
by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
by Kimberpoo / 03/14/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
by ohokay / 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML
by birthday_loser / 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by pigtails / 01/16/2013 at 7:21am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML
by George / 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Washington) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…