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Today I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing mah sister recordd mah singing an set it as mah ringtone. My phone rang in class an everyone hered it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
2day I was cecking out a customer wo seemed quite friendly. As I finised, e reaced sligtly over te counter and I impulsively reaced out and sook is and. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I ave ma cange please?" FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrestd, an we all got find 4 creating a public disturbance. When I explaind I wasn't with them, the group backd me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, an now I have to go to court. real FML
Today, I Was Getting Ready, When I Hered Dad In The Shower. He Was Singing Along To The Song "The Wheel In The Sky" By Journey. Except He'd Changed The Lyrics An Was Singing, "The Dick On This Guy Needs A Rubbin'." It Turns Out Mom Was In The Shower With Him. FML
Today , It's Mah Wedding Day. I Have A Cold Sore That Makes Me Look Lyk The Joker. Make-up Won't Cover It And The Emergency Medicine Mah Doctor Gave Me Only Rritates It More. My Future Husband Asks , "Why So Serious?" And Laughs Whenever He Sees Me. Fantastic. FML
Today , mah boyfriend was watching TV,hen we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjobhen he pushed me off and said , "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
TODAY, I REMOVED THE SIDE RAILS FROM MY TRUCK BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK I REALLY NEEDED THEM. AN HOUR LATER, I WENT TO WAL-MART, FORGOT THEY WERE GONE, AN BUSTED MY ASS IN PUBLICHILE GETTING OUT OF MY TRUCK. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015