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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML
I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (2173)
On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)
Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (3738)
On 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm - health - by pixkalexi - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39272) - you deserved it (7529)
On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)
Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44646) - you deserved it (7922)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38105) - you deserved it (8493)
On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38510) - you deserved it (4892) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45157) - you deserved it (2586)
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (3409)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49201) - you deserved it (3293)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33529) - you deserved it (10407)
On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58693) - you deserved it (3585)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35697) - you deserved it (6075)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42376) - you deserved it (7970)
On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)
Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (2390)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:17am - health - by HamSandwich12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41462) - you deserved it (8698)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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