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MadManWithABox's favorite FMLs
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
by aprilfools22 / 08/17/2011 at 4:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
by -_- / 08/12/2011 at 8:05pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by sofargone420 / 07/29/2011 at 10:27am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by failure / 07/29/2011 at 2:19am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by Nick / 07/08/2011 at 1:19am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by lizownsvirgy / 07/07/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by woah / 05/04/2011 at 7:51am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
by :| / 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML
by Ignored / 04/11/2011 at 5:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Johntheladdo / 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
- Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she…