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LordWeezy

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LordWeezy
  • Town/Country : NYC , USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 162
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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LordWeezy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10546) - you deserved it (22912)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44486) - you deserved it (11190)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35268) - you deserved it (3396)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you deserved it (8749)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17365) - you deserved it (32853)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

#20529151
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36488) - you deserved it (4844)

On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

#20524651
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22984) - you deserved it (1916)

On 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by Chelsea - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to use the restroom. I looked down at the toilet, and saw blood smeared all over the seat, as well as several dirty tampons in the floor. I confronted my girlfriend about the mess, only for her to reply with, "Well, what'd you expect? You live with a woman now." FML

#20522628
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38176) - you deserved it (3244)

On 02/26/2013 at 1:29am - health - by GrossedOut (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33714) - you deserved it (2277)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8971) - you deserved it (32336)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (4253)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

#20509329
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25979) - you deserved it (3963)

On 02/16/2013 at 10:27am - love - by MsCobb - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (3373)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

#20507764
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (2648)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

#20506870
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29961) - you deserved it (5830)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)



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