I'm a college graduate with a degree in creative writing. I WILL pick on your bad grammar.
I also enjoy singing karaoke, writing until my hands stop working, and Schaudenfreude. I also enjoy Sigmund Freud, and aspire to be a marriage counselor.
...
Writing and psychology go hand-in-hand, I promise.
Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39415) - you totally deserved it (3679)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4752) - you totally deserved it (38009)
On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you totally deserved it (2819)
On 07/11/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by wow (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32025) - you totally deserved it (3621)
On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31773) - you totally deserved it (14185)
On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6970) - you totally deserved it (32184)
On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33414) - you totally deserved it (4474)
On 06/27/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by Tonya (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11241) - you totally deserved it (37460)
On 06/27/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by jake (man) - Denmark (Frederiksborg)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37645) - you totally deserved it (3753)
On 06/27/2009 at 10:29am - love - by a_B_c_D_e_F_g (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59173) - you totally deserved it (2710)
On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45688) - you totally deserved it (8124)
On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50141) - you totally deserved it (4711)
On 05/26/2009 at 4:24am - intimacy - by Weezylover (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift WAY more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand.FML
I agree, your life sucks (6762) - you totally deserved it (35738)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (10521) - you totally deserved it (46655)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53293) - you totally deserved it (8495)
On 04/27/2009 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
