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Offline (the 10/22/2016 at 9:59am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 424
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 21 posted

About Lepisma : Just your average Jane with time to kill.
A licensed veterinary technician (LVT) with a bunch of fish and too many cats.

Lepisma's page activity

Visits<b>Sencilia101</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 6:39am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 3:55pm<b>Nathan_Henry</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 2:16am<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 4:10am<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 12:54am<b>LifetimePresents</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 1:13pm<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 7:46am<b>cats4lyfe</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 12:19pm<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 12:00am<b>imabassist</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 1:07am<b>bb1017</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 6:18pm<b>OmgimBored</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 1:46am<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 8:24pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 4:32pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 12:04am<b>miss_fluffybutt</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 1:01am<b>Rei_Ayanami</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 6:49pm<b>CelticKing</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:24pm

Fucked!<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 9:55pm<b>Nexa</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:54am<b>joco4</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:32am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:24am

Lepisma's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of Lepisma's badges

Lepisma's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

by nattnatt73 / 09/10/2016 at 3:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2016 at 12:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

by seatle girl / 06/27/2016 at 8:43pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML

by ER1C / 05/16/2016 at 8:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, my mattress has gotten so old and trashed that I was woken up by two springs ripping through my bed sheets and stabbing me in the leg and abdomen. FML

by gavthewarealpaca / 05/16/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2016 at 3:25am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

by deaddoggy / 03/02/2016 at 3:46pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

by oliver / 01/27/2016 at 7:02am / United States / Health

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

by lookwhereyasittin / 01/24/2016 at 12:47pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

by automotive glass tech / 01/21/2016 at 1:09pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

by almostadult / 01/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health