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Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28877) - you deserved it (16270)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31746) - you deserved it (10672)
On 09/13/2010 at 5:14am - love - by vikinggirl (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32921) - you deserved it (3697)
On 08/09/2010 at 3:07am - intimacy - by hard - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16610) - you deserved it (17661)
On 07/15/2010 at 5:31am - misc - by bigmikenyc - United States
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26451) - you deserved it (10969)
On 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by ChubbyAmerican (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33239) - you deserved it (6688)
On 04/26/2010 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Rowden (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14283) - you deserved it (30764)
On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41551) - you deserved it (7654)
On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)
Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12188) - you deserved it (4197)
On 02/19/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13084) - you deserved it (30692)
On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13608) - you deserved it (4487)
On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70289) - you deserved it (3935)
On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18974) - you deserved it (1825)
On 12/26/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by Snow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super excited to open my presents, only to discover that everyone in my house had already opened their presents and gone to bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17434) - you deserved it (3554)
On 12/25/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by iFail (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17856) - you deserved it (8212)
On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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