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Koloth's favorite FMLs
Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML
by Buttscratcher / 03/03/2012 at 11:12am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML
by ouch / 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Miscellaneous
by thisguy / 02/23/2012 at 8:54pm / Canada / Transportation
Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML
by Nicole / 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Love
by me / 02/19/2012 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Lilah / 02/18/2012 at 7:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
by cieee / 02/13/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 5:17pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Silver_Samurai / 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm / Netherlands / Work
by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by me / 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2012 at 9:48pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Sam / 02/02/2012 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked… Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he… Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my…