About Kirito_Kazuto : Nothing interesting
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Kirito_Kazuto's favorite FMLs
by who_cares / 07/09/2015 at 7:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML
by future teacher / 07/09/2015 at 2:21am / Paraguay (Central) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend's brother and fiancé decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML
by ZiggyTink / 07/08/2015 at 11:24pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML
by whoops / 07/08/2015 at 12:30pm / Taiwan / Holidays
Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML
by coolcat10156 / 07/08/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by BlazefireSaber / 07/06/2015 at 11:59pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 2:18am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
by *cough* *cough* you're a dickface / 06/27/2015 at 1:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML
by mallycat14 / 06/25/2015 at 12:26pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 1:41pm / Miscellaneous
by zaynemaliksvagina / 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…