About Keep_It_Hot99 : Okay, where to start...Well I'm young, very violent (but oddly enough I'm a pacifist O_o), I can be one of the biggest bitches you'll ever meet (but I'm 102% against bullying! Be a bitch with reason, not for amusement or power!), I don't like bullshit(like, it makes me want to hire a random guy, from some random place, in a not as random country,to beat the living shit out of you), the phrase ''LOL" also makes me want to hire people to beat the shit out of you! I typically cut off all contact from the offender when the dumbass phrase pops up. (after chucking multiple rocks at their face... or rehiring the previous people to do it for me, what can I say? I'm lazy? Blame my stupidly annoying generation) No, but seriously. It annoys me. And if you're still reading this odd and compulsively contradicting blurb, I applaud your dedication to stalking me!Oh yeah, and I'm obviously so awesome that your socks couldn't stand me and were therefore, knocked off. I'm done now!*walks away proudly*
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Keep_It_Hot99's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 7:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML
by faitoh / 05/23/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Lisburn) / Transportation
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
by Gixie / 03/24/2013 at 11:56am / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Kids
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by XYZee / 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
by dumbasdogshit / 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by ice cream dude / 08/10/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Lara / 08/03/2012 at 7:28am / Italy (Toscana) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Health
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
by daydreamer / 07/29/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 5:25am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 6:42am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
- Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking… Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of… Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It…