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Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (1980)
On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (6409)
On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States
Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6735) - you deserved it (18201)
On 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by anonymous4991 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25694) - you deserved it (3780)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Today, while coming back from skiing, a woman asked me if I could help her carry her stroller. I put my skis down and helped her. When I came back to pick my skis up, I saw two guys running away with my gear. You try chasing someone while wearing ski boots. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20603) - you deserved it (2195)
Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17473) - you deserved it (4421)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9353) - you deserved it (42219)
Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10659) - you deserved it (40092)
On 11/24/2011 at 10:51pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24211) - you deserved it (437)
On 11/18/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by southernpride93 - United States (Florida)
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10274) - you deserved it (24365)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33298) - you deserved it (3927)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31261) - you deserved it (1671)
On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33944) - you deserved it (6436)
On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28327) - you deserved it (5111)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27262) - you deserved it (6347)
On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)
Friday 24 May 2013
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