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  • Number of visits : 16567
  • Number of comments : 2882
  • Number of FMLs : 2 confirmed out of 10 posted

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Intoxicunt's page activity

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Intoxicunt's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45870) - you deserved it (3320)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (7931) - you deserved it (51125)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12023) - you deserved it (78466)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML


I agree, your life sucks (17270) - you deserved it (40428)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38822) - you deserved it (20729)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:21am - misc - by BluesMan1990 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42507) - you deserved it (4346)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML


I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (2484)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:12am - work - by ofcourse (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49452) - you deserved it (4653)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42919) - you deserved it (10004)

On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50405) - you deserved it (6709)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

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  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

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