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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 February 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3024
  • Number of comments : 125
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About Humanspider : A Charming Bastard who is honest but lacks tact

Humanspider's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 10/21/2016 at 3:10pm<b>Erebos_</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 3:51am<b>lenovot61p</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 11:25am<b>Sharkthedark</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:02pm<b>Livin_Like_Larry</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:50pm<b>jasonm27</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 4:44pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:15pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 4:03pm<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 1:35pm<b>3molliver3</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:44am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:02am<b>drewski_14</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 6:15pm<b>akemi</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 1:20pm<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 3:01pm<b>oodnanref</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 10:43pm<b>Codyallen1993</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 8:16pm<b>No_tag</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 9:13pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 9:57am

Fucked!<b>Erebos_</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 9:51am

Humanspider's FML badges

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Humanspider's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

by TANT / 03/22/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

by Mike / 03/21/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

by ufhdafuhds / 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Intimacy

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

by whatdoyoudo / 03/16/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy