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Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (5909)
On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30420) - you deserved it (2126)
On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (5086)
On 02/17/2013 at 9:27am - misc - by omgstuupidd - United States (New York)
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39694) - you deserved it (11325)
On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29801) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18590) - you deserved it (33947)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38097) - you deserved it (2966)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:29am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (8160)
On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14062) - you deserved it (9237)
On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States
Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26295) - you deserved it (1647)
On 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16674) - you deserved it (3460)
On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16674) - you deserved it (3460)
On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18799) - you deserved it (2000)
On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16874) - you deserved it (1902)
On 09/07/2012 at 1:08am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (461007) - you deserved it (572740)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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