Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

His_Holiness

Search for a member

His_Holiness

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1656
  • Number of comments : 68
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About His_Holiness : All hail my holy balls

Give me your sons as payment for me being the voice of God

His_Holiness's page activity

Visits<b>Jessj958</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 6:38pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 03/01/2014 at 4:25pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 7:32pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 4:16pm<b>pandas91210</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 7:28pm<b>Candycake</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 12:23pm<b>842wolves</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 9:33pm<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 11:11am<b>zackerytb</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 6:21am<b>LaurenJadeK</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 12:24am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 11:21am<b>Adiedee</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 1:54pm<b>jaffvis</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 11:09pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 12:18pm<b>kingcheese</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 11:57pm<b>tralala453</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 9:50am<b>jtthegr8</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 3:18am<b>expixel</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 3:24am

His_Holiness's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of His_Holiness's badges

His_Holiness's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32037) - you deserved it (2846)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11809) - you deserved it (19785)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27202) - you deserved it (3076)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

#19531341
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (2437)

On 04/26/2012 at 8:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that black people aren't all lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26204) - you deserved it (4055)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7332) - you deserved it (24145)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

#18852472
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7878) - you deserved it (46107)

On 01/19/2012 at 10:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

#18851241
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35644) - you deserved it (3924)

On 01/19/2012 at 3:32am - intimacy - by missprude666 (woman) - Australia

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11954) - you deserved it (55280)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

#18625590
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (5323)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8884) - you deserved it (44663)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

#18473863
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32701) - you deserved it (4557)

On 12/10/2011 at 2:23am - intimacy - by HBC - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

#18353006
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48401) - you deserved it (3525)

On 11/26/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29791) - you deserved it (22176)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: