About HarpoKeane : Having a good time retired from the Defence Forces. Woo hoo. Don't bother mailing as I'm passed out in the gutter outside your mothers house ;)
HarpoKeane's FML badges
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
HarpoKeane's favorite FMLs
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
by dating a fking cnt / 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm / Canada / Health
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by gabbykinz13 / 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML
by XxDanno316xX / 08/08/2010 at 10:52am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Michelle / 12/27/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by ehwat / 11/26/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Intheway / 08/29/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…