About HarpoKeane : Having a good time retired from the Defence Forces. Woo hoo. Don't bother mailing as I'm passed out in the gutter outside your mothers house ;)
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HarpoKeane's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
by dating a fking cnt / 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm / Canada / Health
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by gabbykinz13 / 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML
by XxDanno316xX / 08/08/2010 at 10:52am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Michelle / 12/27/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by ehwat / 11/26/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Intheway / 08/29/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…