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Googolman's FML badges
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Googolman's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
by eightleggedtictac / 06/08/2014 at 11:10am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML
by Un1ucky / 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Fat Arsed Lass / 06/01/2014 at 6:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Animals
by mathesonn / 05/29/2014 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Anothermoose / 05/25/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by whoops / 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML
by fucking hell my eyes burn / 05/23/2014 at 6:46pm / Germany / Intimacy
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
by fmlgirl / 05/09/2014 at 2:44pm / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Miscellaneous
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
by FMBs / 04/30/2014 at 7:40pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by damn / 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by phantomthelabrat / 03/31/2014 at 8:24am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made… Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance… Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge…