About GlobalElephant : I really like bananas
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36680) - you deserved it (2349) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31270) - you deserved it (6116)
On 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by sarajj (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38177) - you deserved it (11654)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30171) - you deserved it (2801)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32492) - you deserved it (13111)
On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27912) - you deserved it (11999)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60439) - you deserved it (5775)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16217) - you deserved it (27142)
On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36273) - you deserved it (2252)
On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29281) - you deserved it (6732)
On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)
Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43492) - you deserved it (5152)
On 03/23/2013 at 12:43am - intimacy - by nraecher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26886) - you deserved it (5219)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (12921)
On 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (1753)
On 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by sickness and health my sphincter (woman) - Singapore
Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39285) - you deserved it (1936)
On 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm - love - by SmallAngel (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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