Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

GlobalElephant

Search for a member

GlobalElephant

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 13288
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About GlobalElephant : I really like bananas

GlobalElephant's page activity

Visits<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 10:57pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 5:12am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 5:51pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 5:15pm<b>iarefatal</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 8:01pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 2:31pm<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 8:08pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 03/09/2013 at 9:48pm<b>jxcala</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 6:40pm<b>Rhythmiz</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 7:32pm<b>lmfaowhatever</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 5:57pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 1:36pm<b>cass1_l0ve</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 8:22pm<b>Feelsgood</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 4:09pm<b>Sandra_W</b> - the 02/06/2013 at 4:41pm<b>SirEskimo</b> - the 02/06/2013 at 12:26pm<b>Bubule</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 12:56pm

GlobalElephant's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of GlobalElephant's badges

GlobalElephant's favorite FMLs

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

#1741
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (2090)

On 01/19/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by vixenscars - United States (California)

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

#1517
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (2145)

On 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by biblio - United States (Texas)

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

#1487
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10764) - you deserved it (39869)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by none - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

#1487
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10764) - you deserved it (39869)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by none - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

#1459
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5811) - you deserved it (36125)

On 01/17/2009 at 1:41pm - health - by zaneey - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and said, "Do you think I could model?" I blurted out, "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line." FML

#1434
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5971) - you deserved it (47834)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:15am - love - by FailMan - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

#1399
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9644) - you deserved it (41245)

On 01/16/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

#1325
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5778) - you deserved it (15453)

On 01/16/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Alex - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

#1315
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (3007)

On 01/16/2009 at 2:27am - work - by hapless - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

#1305
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33101) - you deserved it (5981)

On 01/15/2009 at 8:25pm - health - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

#1302
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6497) - you deserved it (24855)

On 01/15/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by jen - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

#1230
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25767) - you deserved it (1678)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:12am - love - by J.Smith - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

#1148
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (35757)

On 01/14/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Holymoly - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

#1148
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (35757)

On 01/14/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Holymoly - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

#800
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16574) - you deserved it (1950)

On 01/07/2009 at 9:28pm - misc - by Donezoo - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: