About GlobalElephant : I really like bananas
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34245) - you deserved it (4392)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)
Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (1697)
On 02/14/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by clementine8 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32178) - you deserved it (10710)
On 02/13/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Yudansha (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (5504)
On 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by shorty (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29797) - you deserved it (14464)
On 02/13/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by fmlfmboyfriendah (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38233) - you deserved it (3200)
On 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by cdaniel2 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9598) - you deserved it (47139)
On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by a genius (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (39985)
On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12097) - you deserved it (24511)
On 02/12/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by ardenm - United States (California)
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48455) - you deserved it (4822)
On 02/11/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by sissica (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48455) - you deserved it (4822)
On 02/11/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by sissica (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51797) - you deserved it (2469)
On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18243) - you deserved it (13329)
On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8813) - you deserved it (61013)
On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (2417)
On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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