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GlobalElephant

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GlobalElephant

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 13135
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About GlobalElephant : I really like bananas

GlobalElephant's page activity

Visits<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 10:57pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 5:12am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 5:51pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 5:15pm<b>iarefatal</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 8:01pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 2:31pm<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 8:08pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 03/09/2013 at 9:48pm<b>jxcala</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 6:40pm<b>Rhythmiz</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 7:32pm<b>lmfaowhatever</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 5:57pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 1:36pm<b>cass1_l0ve</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 8:22pm<b>Feelsgood</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 4:09pm<b>Sandra_W</b> - the 02/06/2013 at 4:41pm<b>SirEskimo</b> - the 02/06/2013 at 12:26pm<b>Bubule</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 12:56pm

GlobalElephant's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of GlobalElephant's badges

GlobalElephant's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

#194901
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44007) - you deserved it (11397)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

#194587
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74388) - you deserved it (20971)

On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

#185266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60482) - you deserved it (10569)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

#184275
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46194) - you deserved it (6284)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:58pm - work - by kimosabe (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

#180985
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91766) - you deserved it (4717)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:10am - work - by oh_mylanta (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

#179032
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17875) - you deserved it (43380)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by legit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61767) - you deserved it (13496)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

#169078
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21460) - you deserved it (42834)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:20am - love - by Mandy (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164042) - you deserved it (14897)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

#158702
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47340) - you deserved it (8405)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:30am - work - by eggs (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

#154769
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65377) - you deserved it (2433)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:05pm - work - by anabolic (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

#154710
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56487) - you deserved it (6387)

On 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by stpry of my life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17918) - you deserved it (50328)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24186) - you deserved it (36868)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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