About Falkin0113 : Hey guys, I'm Fallon. If you're on here it's probably because of some amazingly smart, and beautifully intelligent comment I made. Or you're just being a stalker, either way its cool. Contact me if you feel like it.
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Falkin0113's favorite FMLs
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
by Scarlett / 02/16/2013 at 1:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
by dadsadipshit / 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
by Acolyte of the Bacon God / 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by PurpleSloth / 02/15/2013 at 8:57am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by oh my dad / 02/13/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Health
by Doggotmytongue / 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML
by Thai rice mistake / 02/12/2013 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML
by toxic waste / 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML
by sofuckingembarassing. / 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm / United States / Love
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
by firestar772 / 02/11/2013 at 10:48am / United States (California) / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…