About Falkin0113 : Hey guys, I'm Fallon. If you're on here it's probably because of some amazingly smart, and beautifully intelligent comment I made. Or you're just being a stalker, either way its cool. Contact me if you feel like it.
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Falkin0113's favorite FMLs
by soontobesingle / 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Love
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
by InfamousLastWord / 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML
by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML
by Imafishyfishy / 03/27/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Candycane88 / 03/26/2013 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
by SwinginSolo / 03/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
by bear / 03/26/2013 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML
by ShouldBeSingleSoon / 03/26/2013 at 12:15am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML
by Soph / 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by f-ugly / 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm / United States / Love
by anon / 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm / United States / Health
Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML
by PrayingForMoney / 03/25/2013 at 4:48am / United States (California) / Money
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…