About Falkin0113 : Hey guys, I'm Fallon. If you're on here it's probably because of some amazingly smart, and beautifully intelligent comment I made. Or you're just being a stalker, either way its cool. Contact me if you feel like it.
Falkin0113's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Falkin0113's favorite FMLs
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML
by look at the fucking universe, lady / 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Geek
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
by lez probs / 05/18/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
by -1 friend / 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Jololol / 05/17/2013 at 5:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
by Urgghh / 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
by violatedbuttcrack / 05/16/2013 at 6:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML
by astalkerindeed / 05/16/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML
by joolsie / 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
by more than I wanted to know / 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…