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EsotericAura's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
EsotericAura's favorite FMLs
Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML
by disciplinaryaction / 11/21/2011 at 2:02am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by jazzybell / 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States / Love
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML
by Anothernametaken / 11/18/2011 at 7:22am / United States / Work
by alliez108 / 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Chubby / 11/17/2011 at 11:50am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work
by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML
by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/28/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love