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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Epic_Fail_Sauce

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Epic_Fail_Sauce
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 34570
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Epic_Fail_Sauce : My fave comment ---> OH GOD!!!! My favorite FML thus far...So many possibilities with this one.
-you've created Man-spider ( Spiderman's new arch nemesis)
-the spider will now eat you in your sleep, since you have mated
-the spider might have laid eggs in your dack-hole=new urban legend...
-your next busted nut will consist of baby spiders and not sperm
-your next busted nut will consist of cob-webs
-you are the first man to have made love to a spider=new fetish
-FML from the spider..."After a long day, I was really tired and found a warm home in a sock. I was awakened by an earthquake..which turned out to actually be me getting raped by the biggest cock I have ever seen. FML !!"

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Epic_Fail_Sauce's favorite FMLs

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

#2745458 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (33835) - you deserved it (4676)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:39pm - work - by IronMonkey (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (84986) - you deserved it (2928)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (67658) - you deserved it (3587)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (10500) - you deserved it (62459)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

#2710099 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (49095) - you deserved it (5397)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:05am - love - by aasatt22 - United States (California)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831 (365)

I agree, your life sucks (50179) - you deserved it (4664)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

#2649932 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (8747) - you deserved it (35076)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

#2624268 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (50755) - you deserved it (2699)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

#2604319 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (5856) - you deserved it (48516)

On 06/04/2009 at 5:14pm - work - by Ayeya (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1201)

I agree, your life sucks (55737) - you deserved it (136043)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (72708) - you deserved it (5140)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

#2527147 (499)

I agree, your life sucks (70837) - you deserved it (2246)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:06am - love - by ThanksMom (woman) - United States (Indiana)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

#2498639 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (65717) - you deserved it (3876)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

#2442795 (297)

I agree, your life sucks (16484) - you deserved it (36905)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

#2147353 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (68944) - you deserved it (32612)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)