About EpicSquishii : Hello.
My first name starts with an E. I'm 21 years old. I have two pets, one English Bulldog puppy, and one adorable black cat who is super huge but only 3 years old.
I sell cosmetics as a part time job and am in school full-time to become a child psychologist.
The Room is the funniest movie I've ever seen.
My favorite meal is steak and baked potatoes.
I like to have funny conversations, and I say offensive things really often to try and figure out how likely the other person is to be a good friend. If they get offended, I don't need or want them in my social circle. If they laugh and come up with something equally crazy, they're a potential bestie.
About EpicSquishii : Hello.
EpicSquishii's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
EpicSquishii's favorite FMLs
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy
Today, one of the girls who has made it her job to ruin my life cornered me in the hallway at school. She tried to insult me, and for the first time in my life I had a scathing comeback. My elation quickly ended when she violently shoved my face into the water fountain. FML
by ShadowReiku / 12/13/2012 at 3:39am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 3:31am / United States / Health
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work
Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 6:36am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML
by NotSpiderman / 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by scarredforlife / 08/16/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML
by eddie818 / 06/10/2012 at 3:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by facepalm / 06/06/2012 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 3:17pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by amber / 04/19/2012 at 2:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
- Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I… Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at… Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told…
- Today, when i was painting my room after not sleeping for 2 days, I decided to take a nap. After I… Today, on my first day as a home health care provider, I walked into my first clients house to find… Today, I got a phone call from my dad, realizing it was a butt dial, I still decided to listen in.…