About EpicSquishii : Hello All,
Just a couple of things before you message me, because I'm getting the same message over and over.
1.) My mustache is lush and luxurious, I know. Of course you love it. You can't NOT love it, it's impossible not to adore and covet such a manly mustache.
2. I know you can see the tops of my boobs in my profile picture. They're boobs, everyone has them. You don't have to mention them, as I'm well aware of every single aspect of the tops of my boobs that you could ever possibly point out.
(Disclaimer: If you have gone through any mastectomies, and therefore have no boobs, please feel free to message me about boobs, as I would probably very much enjoy that conversation.)
3. This is not a dating site. I'm not interested in any "You're (insert lame, cliche compliment about aforementioned boobs or mustache here) LOL ;) we should talk!" messages. Send them to someone else.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37025) - you deserved it (7693)
On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)
Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25375) - you deserved it (8097)
On 04/05/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by NYmets456 - United States (New York)
Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37406) - you deserved it (2487)
On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)
Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25418) - you deserved it (8136)
On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17213) - you deserved it (5226)
On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30436) - you deserved it (6362)
On 02/23/2013 at 8:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (1504)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:32pm - misc - by blob - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (1399)
On 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm - money - by :/ (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8606) - you deserved it (19111)
On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8606) - you deserved it (19111)
On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (30221)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29560) - you deserved it (7515)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (2555)
On 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by oh ffs (man) - United States
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13511) - you deserved it (21164)
On 01/24/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by steven - United States (California)
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13511) - you deserved it (21164)
On 01/24/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by steven - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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