About DrewFluIngle : I love Die Antwoord cx
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23633) - you deserved it (3643)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13966) - you deserved it (2137)
On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21732) - you deserved it (1460)
On 01/23/2012 at 9:47pm - work - by moe472 (man) - United States
Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12800) - you deserved it (4854)
On 01/23/2012 at 6:27am - health - by Dutchee - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7379) - you deserved it (21111)
On 01/23/2012 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you deserved it (4555)
On 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by MakesMeLol (man) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26248) - you deserved it (2537)
On 01/15/2012 at 5:24am - misc - by lolwtfbbq444 - Australia
Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (2652)
On 01/11/2012 at 11:31am - money - by metalflower01 - United States
Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25940) - you deserved it (3298)
On 01/05/2012 at 3:09am - health - by dusk - United States (Colorado)
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25943) - you deserved it (20262)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43726) - you deserved it (7692)
On 12/31/2011 at 4:21am - intimacy - by nickthetank (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8582) - you deserved it (66341)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25481) - you deserved it (3918)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22835) - you deserved it (2668)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42653) - you deserved it (4477)
On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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