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DeadHorseman

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DeadHorseman
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3701
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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DeadHorseman's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11329) - you deserved it (20537)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37319) - you deserved it (9473)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94197) - you deserved it (5040)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

#14175319
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (9427)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:29am - animals - by riddick0846 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

#14160677
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33374) - you deserved it (2223)

On 12/10/2010 at 11:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

#14126104
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28081) - you deserved it (7345)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I built a snowman. When I'd finished, I went inside to get a scarf and carrot for the nose. As I came back outside, a snowplough ran it over, and the driver waved at me. FML

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

#14114390
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25996) - you deserved it (2038)

On 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

#14109722
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25608) - you deserved it (7960)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22421) - you deserved it (48712)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

#14008430
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23226) - you deserved it (6217)

On 11/28/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

#13949092
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36645) - you deserved it (5023)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

#13940137
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (8807)

On 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm - misc - by reesemaster (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

#13937694
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27950) - you deserved it (9497)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31241) - you deserved it (4357)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany



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