DHoffmann

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DHoffmann

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 25 January 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1068
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DHoffmann : I tank raids and shit.

DHoffmann's page activity

Visits<b>mallorygrove</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 3:13pm<b>RudyH621</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 7:03am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 10/30/2013 at 5:50am<b>powerkeep</b> - the 12/06/2012 at 9:37pm<b>Attica</b> - the 12/06/2011 at 4:05am<b>perdix</b> - the 10/03/2011 at 3:28am

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DHoffmann's favorite FMLs

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

by fuckparents / 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

by bellaskyeb / 01/08/2012 at 12:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 11:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

by LukeSkywalker / 12/23/2011 at 11:38am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

by johncabbot25 / 12/23/2011 at 5:53am / Canada / Love

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

by preggers / 11/30/2011 at 9:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

by Rich / 11/26/2011 at 3:50pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy