About Contra : From ze England.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34056) - you deserved it (4449)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75432) - you deserved it (35560)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67520) - you deserved it (18004)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51919) - you deserved it (18232)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82547) - you deserved it (30346)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78234) - you deserved it (4126)
On 04/11/2009 at 2:36am - love - by GotPunched (man) - Finland (Western Finland)
Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21198) - you deserved it (48405)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by nothing (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (232706) - you deserved it (13859)
On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (334834) - you deserved it (46032)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13772) - you deserved it (57817)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (58146) - you deserved it (5651)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (203510) - you deserved it (59406)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML
I agree, your life sucks (138) - you deserved it (16428)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27319) - you deserved it (96817)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (62099)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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