Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Burrito111

Search for a member

Burrito111

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 11 April 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1877
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Burrito111's page activity

Visits<b>DejonE</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 2:07am

Burrito111's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Burrito111's badges

Burrito111's favorite FMLs

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you deserved it (25767)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

#19766559
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23892) - you deserved it (4464)

On 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm - love - by anon - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

#19764456
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30726) - you deserved it (18208)

On 06/10/2012 at 5:16am - love - by fernie vazquez - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34066) - you deserved it (5807)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

#19719368
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28291) - you deserved it (11551)

On 06/02/2012 at 2:50am - misc - by OutOfTheCloset - United States (Texas)

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

#19489197
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24188) - you deserved it (5891)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

#19416879
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38410) - you deserved it (6522)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:24am - misc - by Sadboy (man) - United States

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16713) - you deserved it (30075)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13610) - you deserved it (28276)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

#19268925
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (7964)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

#19261628
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30923) - you deserved it (4088)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

#19243836
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39971) - you deserved it (6859)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

#19239456
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14410) - you deserved it (49980)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

#19231360
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25875) - you deserved it (6106)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

#19219100
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24972) - you deserved it (3700)

On 03/05/2012 at 3:45am - intimacy - by LittleRed (woman) - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: