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Burrito111's FML badges
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Burrito111's favorite FMLs
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
by anon / 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love
by fernie vazquez / 06/10/2012 at 5:16am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML
by OutOfTheCloset / 06/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
by Fartfail / 04/18/2012 at 9:43am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML
by Sadboy / 04/06/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
by banned / 03/09/2012 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Sharibabi65 / 03/07/2012 at 1:16am / United States / Intimacy
by LittleRed / 03/05/2012 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…