Burrito111

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Burrito111

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 11 April 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3104
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Burrito111's page activity

Visits<b>DejonE</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 2:07am

Burrito111's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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Burrito111's favorite FMLs

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

by anon / 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

by fernie vazquez / 06/10/2012 at 5:16am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

by OutOfTheCloset / 06/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

by Fartfail / 04/18/2012 at 9:43am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

by Sadboy / 04/06/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

by banned / 03/09/2012 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

by Sharibabi65 / 03/07/2012 at 1:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

by LittleRed / 03/05/2012 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy