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Burrito111's FML badges
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Burrito111's favorite FMLs
by say my name / 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm / Intimacy
Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML
by rs / 06/30/2012 at 2:36pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by mpsteve137 / 06/30/2012 at 2:21am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2012 at 6:46pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML
by friend / 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Kids
by xxccruzxx / 06/29/2012 at 9:30am / United States / Work
by JJBones / 06/29/2012 at 6:03am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
by bob / 06/29/2012 at 4:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML
by FMlovelife / 06/28/2012 at 11:28am / United States / Love
by RatCityChick / 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by tammy / 06/27/2012 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love
by maggie74 / 06/27/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…