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Burrito111's FML badges
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Burrito111's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by rotezora / 09/02/2012 at 8:44am / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
by StillBetterThanTwilight / 08/28/2012 at 11:56am / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
by spekledworf / 08/27/2012 at 10:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by wtf / 08/26/2012 at 1:03am / New Zealand (Southland) / Love
Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML
by elijah / 08/17/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Unwanted / 08/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 8:56pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML
by SLAB_GIRL15 / 08/01/2012 at 3:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
by joleezad5 / 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
by kaitlyna15 / 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Washington) / Work
- Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on,… Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately,… Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the…