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Burrito111's FML badges
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Burrito111's favorite FMLs
Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML
by username / 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by couldntholdit / 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML
by holdengurl18 / 06/21/2011 at 12:46am / China / Love
Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 7:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by thoughtitwasspecial / 05/18/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2011 at 10:49pm / United States / Love
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML
by storyofmylife / 02/23/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
by screwed / 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML
by blahblah / 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by WTF / 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML
by tracie / 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
by anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by ccblock / 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love
- Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman.… Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She… Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her…