About BntyHntrSeattle : I play piano.
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BntyHntrSeattle's favorite FMLs
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
by anonymous / 09/13/2015 at 11:34am / Luxembourg / Work
by TheLoneSoul / 09/13/2015 at 10:22am / France / Love
Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML
by dammit / 09/12/2015 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML
by lentkaysi / 09/10/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by stupidrobot / 09/03/2015 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Mush / 08/27/2015 at 12:42pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous
by jack / 08/27/2015 at 6:56am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
by Whiteheads / 08/26/2015 at 12:33am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by MoxleyCrue / 08/17/2015 at 3:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
by horsefuck / 08/07/2015 at 8:51am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/04/2015 at 9:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by single and unbuggered / 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…