About BananaBeak : An 18 year old overgrown child from England, the land of wizards. My life consists of drinking, reading and watching 'Doctor Who' obsessively.
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BananaBeak's favorite FMLs
by fourfootnine / 03/07/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by nick / 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
by ouch / 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Love
by HeShe / 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2009 at 12:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML
by unwanted / 08/11/2009 at 4:31pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
by tgstreaks / 04/23/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML
by BrilsmurfO_O / 04/06/2009 at 10:12am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by SmoothTalker / 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML
by Jessie / 02/23/2009 at 3:08am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…