About BananaBeak : An 18 year old overgrown child from England, the land of wizards. My life consists of drinking, reading and watching 'Doctor Who' obsessively.
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BananaBeak's favorite FMLs
Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML
by katier8295 / 10/27/2012 at 8:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:20am / United States / Kids
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm / Philippines (Manila) / Kids
by MyEarsHurt / 09/16/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML
by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health
Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 1:44pm / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
by DeadScared / 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by bTOhno / 08/13/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 12:28am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
by Backinzi / 07/30/2011 at 7:58pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals
by OopsKid / 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm / France / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed.… Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her… Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away,…