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B5B0N35

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B5B0N35
  • Town/Country : In , Heaven
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 13 January 1998 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 3120
  • Number of comments : 159
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About B5B0N35 : i am only human

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B5B0N35's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

#19753089
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23220) - you deserved it (7773)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awake during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

#19727538
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18599) - you deserved it (9400)

On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

#19713901
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28457) - you deserved it (2150)

On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7860) - you deserved it (29328)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

#19615713
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (2504)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

#19480957
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20706) - you deserved it (6364)

On 04/16/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

#19348110
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26155) - you deserved it (3210)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by user210 (woman) - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20840) - you deserved it (2704)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (11610)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30910) - you deserved it (5591)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

#19173399
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22468) - you deserved it (3477)

On 02/27/2012 at 6:06am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

#19130391
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24242) - you deserved it (7904)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:33am - health - by mary (woman) - Australia

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

#19113390
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/19/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML



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