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B5B0N35

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B5B0N35

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 13 January 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 4156
  • Number of comments : 159
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About B5B0N35 : i am only human

B5B0N35's page activity

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B5B0N35's favorite FMLs

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

#20062193
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20078) - you deserved it (4312)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

#20058791
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (3335)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Scholar - United States

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11885) - you deserved it (35038)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22909) - you deserved it (2965)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (2018)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45652) - you deserved it (2984)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6418) - you deserved it (46663)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

#20006521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28244) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by Joe Lizen - United States (Illinois)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (5841)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

#20002664
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21527) - you deserved it (6370)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (7520)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21181) - you deserved it (2945)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12725) - you deserved it (23040)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8341) - you deserved it (104521)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

#19756804
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22688) - you deserved it (1697)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)



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